December 14, 2012

First, find out what they have heard.

Through Facebook, Twitter, or friends, most youngsters will know about the mass shooting that took place on Friday morning at an elementary school in Newtown, Conn.

Listen to their fears. Dispel rumors. And be honest, sharing as much detail as a child is able to handle.

Therapists who treat childhood trauma said on Friday that parents talking to their children about the mass shooting should address the news directly and soon, allowing the child to lead with questions and concerns. Parents can no longer control what their children know by simply turning off the television. Many children will know what is happening from mobile devices and social media.

“It’s important to open up the discussion,” said Melissa Brymer, director of terrorism and disaster programs at the National Center for Child Traumatic Stress, based at the University of California, Los Angeles, and Duke University. “There’s a lot of talk on Facebook and Twitter, and it’s important to clarify what’s rumor and what’s not.”

If possible, she and other experts said, parents should use family or holiday routines as a comforting structure. Spend extra time with children at bedtime. Read them a book. Engage traditions that remind them what they are thankful for.

Practical questions will soon arise, if not today then soon. Does a child know his or her school’s emergency procedures? What is the family’s communication plan, should something happen?

“For example, texting is a better strategy then calling,” Dr. Brymer said. “The phone lines clog up fast. It may be a matter of children knowing to text, ‘I’m OK.'”

And they should be, especially if their parents check in with them and listen. And remind them of something important: that the world is a good place, even if some people do very bad things.

http://www.nytimes.com/2012/12/15/health/tips-for-talking-to-childr...